literature

PKMN Skies: Insanity and Chivalry

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Renaissance Faire.  Gawain recognized the ‘Faire,’ but what was a ‘Renaissance?’  Asuka told him that the town was putting together a festival and everyone would be dressed and acting like they were back in his time…Not sure where that festival was, because it sure wasn’t this one.

The soldiers’ armor was too light and their swords too thin.  The paintings were too detailed and colorful.  The well water was too clean, not a single Rattata in one of them!  Gawain didn’t know what was going on here, but this ‘Renaissance’ wasn’t his time.

The day seemed a waste and Gawain considered leaving until a friendly Ledyba led him to a slingshot game and helped him use his imagination.

“Our p-poor little faire is b-besieged by these a-awful bandits.  Won’t someone s-save us!”

Miri’s words shook Gawain out of his disappointment and transported him back hundreds of years.  Back to when he was a young Kabuto, watching his mentor defend the people of their realm.  Back to when found his calling in life.

Suddenly, the cardboard targets were real bandits.  Suddenly, this strange faire of inaccuracies was his home.  Suddenly…Gawain was out of targets to shoot.

“My skills continue to work.”  Gawain said, turning back to the Ledyba who helped reinvigorate his spirit.  “I thank you for helping me enjoy this festival, but I fear bandits may still attack.”

“But there a-aren’t any bandits h-he--”

“Stop, fiend!”  Gawain didn’t hear a thing Miri said as he pointed a blade at a Zoroark, dressed in a white shirt and black vest, eating a cotton candy.

Gawain didn’t give the scoundrel a second to weave a lie (he barely had enough time to know he was being addressed) and charged at him immediately.  The Zoroark must have run afoul of law enforcement many times before, because he broke out into a dash away from Gawain, his reaction speed matched only by his running speed.  The power of their running was so great, little Miri was left in their dust…Literally.  She was buried under it.  Like a cartoon character.

“Yarrr!”  The Zoroark shouted as he looked over his shoulder at his pursuer.  “What’re ye chasin’ me farrr!?”

“Thou knowest quite well what harm thou hast wrought!”  Gawain responded, slicing through the cotton candy as it was thrown back at him.

“What’s wrong with ye!?”  The Zoroark asked in bewilderment.  “Scupper that high-falutin’ jibber-jabberin’ and converse like an honest seadog!  Nobody can understand a bloomin’ thing yer sayin’!”

That…Wait, what?  Gawain was so confused by that strange assemblage of words, he slowed down, giving the Zoroark enough time search his surroundings and find a nice corner to turn.

…Unfortunately, the corner turned out to be nothing more than an alley between two performance stages that ended with the back wall of a gazebo.  With Gawain rounding the corner shortly after him, there was no time to exit the alley or climb the gazebo to freedom.  With no other options at hand, the Zoroark tried conversing with the weirdo once more…Wait a minute, he knew that weirdo!

“Gawain, ye ol’ salt!  It be me, Cortes!”  A cooling relief ran through the Zoroark’s mind.  “We’re ol’ mates!  We hung out on me porch an’ yelled at kids fer walkin’ on me lawn!  I wanted to go beat one o’ ‘em, but ye said I shouldn’t but I did anyway!  Good times we had!”

Gawain froze in his tracks and stared at the Zoroark with wide eyes.  He…he was right!  But…How could that be?

“Forsooth!”  Gawain said in astonishment.  “How art thou alive in my olden days?  I didn’t think thee to be alive in the Grand Middle Ages.”

“Huh?”  Cortes…Didn’t understand a thing he was saying.

Gawain shook himself out of his stupor and pointed an accusative blade at Cortes.

“Friend or not, a thief is still a thief!  Return the wares thou hast stolen, or face the justice of a knight of the realm!”

“THIEF!?”  Cortes’ brows furrowed nervously as he started tapping his claws together.  “Uh…There obviously be some sort of mistake here.  I’ve never pilfered a bloomin’ thing in me life.”

Plop!  Fluffle!  Bang!  Clud!  A drumstick, some cotton candy, an antique pot and a novelty flag felt out of Cortes’ shirt and down to the ground at his feet…Strange, considering his shirt didn’t look like it was hiding stolen goods in it before.

“I’m sure tharr’s--”  Bang!  Bang!  Clud!  Clud!  Cortes was interrupted by some more goods falling to the ground.

“I say, I’m sure tharr’s--”  Plop!  Bang! Clud!  Clud!

“…That is…I’m sure tharr’s…A very…Reasonable expla--”  BANGBANGBANG PLOPCLUDPLOP FLUFFLEFLUFFLEFLUFFLE BANG!

“NO MORE LIES!”  Gawain took a step forward and readied his blades for combat.  “Turn thyself in and face the law, or face me!”

“ONLY IF YE TURN AN’ FACE THAT FIRST!”  Cortes pointed at something behind Gawain.

Gawain turned around and saw Miri.  Oh, what a nice surprise!  Gawain waved to her and she waved back!  This was a red letter day!

“Ahoy, Buttface!”  The Ledyba greeted Gawain…Her voice seemed oddly deep and piratey…She must have developed a cough.  “What’re ye up to?  Bein’ an idiot?”

“Ho ho ho!”  Gawain chuckled.  “I’m afraid nothing of the sort.  I’m actually in the midst of apprehending that bandit thou helped me locate.  What art thou up to?”

“Um…Grabbin’ some rum…No!  A vidya game!  Aye, that’s what the kids be doin’ these days!  I’m grabbin’ me a vidya game!”

“Oh, delightful!  I wish thee luck…”  Gawain’s eyes narrowed in suspicion.  “Why would Lady Miri procure a game of videos when she could read a book?  In fact, why aren’t thou reading a book right this very instant!?  Thou aren’t Lady Miri!  IMPOSTER, WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!?”

No sooner than Gawain ask his question, the Miri before his eyes vanished into a flurry of purple sparks.  An illusion!  Then that means…

“Well, glad that be over.”  Cortes said as he hopped off the roof of the gazebo (the couple standing in it ruined their picture watching him climb down their side in confusion).  “Guess I better start findin’ more booty to--”

CRASH!

“STOP, FIEND!”  Gawain crashed through the gazebo, knocking its patrons over in the process.

“What’s wrong with ye!?  What kind of a law man knocks over civilians jus’ ta get pirate!?”

“Nice try, scoundrel, but thou canst fool me with illusions twice!”  Gawain countered, as he stood over the very real, very terrified civilians.  “Have at thee!”

With that, Gawain lunged at Cortes and slashed.  However, the pirate countered with an expertly-timed 'Run-Away-Screaming' technique.

The knight and the pirate ran down the roads of the Renaissance Faire like Rapidashes drinking Red Tauros, burying tents and booths in dust and sending the smaller residents flying in a gust of wind.  Gawain’s blades chopped at Cortes like lawnmower blades, causing no small amount of distress to the pirate.

“YE BILGE-SUCKING LUNATIC!”  Cortes shouted as he jumped over a fruit cart, which Gawain shredded through.

“ARE YE THREE SHEETS TO TH’ WIND!?  LOOK WHERE YER SLICIN’!”  Cortes screamed as Gawain’s furious blades started cutting the ropes to tents, hacking wheels off of wagons and slashing prices at the used car lot.

“YER GONNA MAKE SHARKBAIT (ooh ha ha!) OUTTA TH’ WHOLE TOWN IF YE DON’ STOW THOSE CUTLASSES!”  Cortes shrieked as he grabbed cotton candy and drumsticks from booths and hurled them at Gawain, only to see them torn, shredded and blended into smithereens.

“YAAARRR!”  Cortes thought to himself.  “Curse those LANDLUBBIN’ musketeers!  They confiscate me weapons an’ tell us ta play nice, BUT WHERE’RE THEY WITH THIS SCURVY DOG!?  He can rip an’ tear me huge guts an’ I got nuthin’ to defend meself with and THEY’RE nowhere to be seen!  This is the last time I listen to any law!”

Looking over his shoulder again, Cortes didn’t notice a blacksmith’s tent with a little basket of foam swords for children…Well, not until he tripped over it, anyway.  Cortes rolled himself onto his back and started back-pedaling away from Gawain as he closed in.  His hands walking along the ground, Cortes felt several foam swords and grabbed them partly by instinct and partly by desperation.

Wuff!  Cortes desperately lashed out at Gawain.

Sliss!  Gawain sliced the toy weapon with his birth-given weapon.

Wuff!  Sliss!  Wuff!  Sliss!  Wuff!  Sliss!

“How do ye liberate a man from his swords when they’re attached ta him!?”  Cortes nervously thought to himself as he felt only one foam sword left and sweat pouring down his face.

Gawain towered over the scurrying Cortes, the ancient dinosaur only seconds away from capturing its prey.  The pirate’s eyes were so wide open, he thought they might actually roll out of his head.  Was this really the end of Cortes, the Terror of the Seas?  Is this how history would remember Cortes, the Sinister Smile?  Had Davy Jones finally caught up to Cortes, the--Bonk!

“OW!  Do ye mind!?”  Cortes grumbled as he bumped his head onto a booth.  “I’m tryin’ ta have a moment here!”

“A thousand pardons!”  The Glaceon running the booth bowed her head.  “I mean no harm.  I’m just a humble chandler looking to sell some wares.”

Gawain’s pupils dilated back to a normal size and he shook his head.  One might have wanted to put on a coat, because it just got a lot less crazy in the room.

“A chandler, eh?”  Gawain cheerfully asked as he literally stepped over Gawain to inspect the booth.  “Thou art doing The Lord’s work, keeping homes of Pokemon and Arceus alike awash in glorious light.”

“I thank you sir!”  The Glaceon smiled wide at Gawain’s compliment.  “The life of a chandler is not the most exhilarating one, but we’re always glad to hear our craft is helping our fellow mon.”

“Isn’t Chandler that guy from the sitcom?”  Cortes grumbled to himself as he sheathed his foam sword and crawled out from under Gawain.

“Fate must have smiled upon me this day,” Gawain said as he fiddled around on his belt and grabbed an ancient wallet with his bladed hands by some unknown means.  “As I have need of a few candles.  Wouldst thou be so kind as to show me some wares?”

“ ‘Twould be my honor, good sir!”  The Glaceon pulled out several candles and laid them on the counter.



Gawain put his blade hands on his hips.



The Glaceon’s eyes shifted around.  She was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“Where are thy candles?”  Gawain asked casually.

“Th-These are they, milord.”  The Glaceon was officially uncomfortable now.

“How can that be?”  Gawain was almost bewildered.  “There are five candles before me and I can still breathe.  Prithee, from what kind of fat are these candles made?”

“OOOHHH!”  The Glaceon sighed with relief.  “Ha ha, now I understand!  Milord must be more familiar with tallow candles, but my company works exclusively with Combee wax candles!  I think you’ll agree that they are much more forgiving on one’s nose.”

Gawain shook his head violently.  He stepped back from the Glaceon, almost tripping in the process.  He returned his gaze to the Glaceon, staring at her like she had eight heads…that were all coming out of her mouth.

COMBEE WAX!?”  The knight gasped in dubious astonishment.  “What lunacy is this!?  To make just one such wax candle would take eighty-five years of harvesting beats!...And that presumes thou didn’t spend any money on farm tools first!”

“Mayhaps in the Middle Ages, milord,” the Glaceon responded.  “But during our realm’s Renaissance, the substance has become much easier to procure, making it much more affordable to work with and sell!”

Gawain squinted his eyes.  Something smelled fishy here, and it sure wasn’t the candles…Because if they did, there wouldn’t be anything fishy here…Except the smell of the candles…ANYWAY, stuff happens!

“What dost thou mean, Renaissance?”  Gawain asked suspiciously.  “Why dost thou say Middle Ages as though they already happened?”

Cortes looked back and forth between Gawain and the Glaceon.  On one hand, he couldn’t believe anyone could talk about candles for this long.  On the other hand, he saw a way he could insert himself back into the story spin this to his advantage.

“Arrr!”  The pirate pointed a finger at the Glaceon.  “All these stuffed-shirt words an’ expensive candles, she thinks she’s better than ye!”

“What.”  The Glaceon dropped her Ren Faire act.  This was getting out of hand.

“Yarr!  Her village can afford crazy wax candles!  I bet she’d never even dream of touchin’ a wholesome fat…Fat?...She’d never touch a wholesome fat candle!”  Cortes leaned on Gawain’s shoulder as he continued pointing at the Glaceon.

“Sir, what are you doing?”  The Glaceon didn’t like where this was going.

“The NERVE!”  Gawain fell for Cortes’ goading.  “My fair chandler, your views could not be farther from the truth!  Tallow is a most excellent material for candles!  Tallow allows one the satisfaction of frugality and manual labor by allowing you to harvest the fat from meat you were already eating!”

“Eww!  Put ‘er in ‘er place!”  Cortes commented.

“The putrid smell of tallow also lets you know thy candle is burning!  Without the stench of boiling fat filling thy home and every orifice, how can one even tell that a wax candle is burning!  I’d wager many wax candle homes don’t find out their candles hath waned until it is too late!”

“I lived at sea me whole life and even I think that smells awful!  You’re lettin’ her have it!”  Cortes continued to cheer Gawain on.

“I will literally pay you to leave me alone.”  The frazzled Glaceon replied.

“Ya got ‘er on the ropes!  Jus’ one last argument’ll win this for ye!”  Cortes pointed to a vat of Beedrill wax next to the booth.  “I bet wax is such a bad candle, it’d break right away!  Put some on yer hands and prove it!”

“What?  No!”  The Glaceon objected, but to no avail.  “I need that for--”

Too late.  Gawain already plunged his blades into the barrel.  Pulling them out, they were encased in ovular, dull blobs of wax.

“Behold the folly of arrogance…Milady.”  Gawain said as he raised his arms up high and slammed them down on the booth’s counter.

Thump…The wax didn’t break…The counter shook a little bit, but the wax didn’t break.  Why didn’t the wax break?  Gawain stared at his hands in confusion.

“Yo!  Ho!  Ho!  HO!”  Cortes laughed slowly and menacingly as he drew his foam sword.

“What is the meainin--”  Gawain didn’t get the chance to finish his thought.

“I don’ give a hang about candles!  I jus’ wanted ta see if I could take ye scurvy hand-blades outta the equation!”  Cortes gloated.  “Now that yer completely defenseless, I can--”

POW!  D--Did Gawain just punch Cortes in the face?

“Wait, wha--?”  POW!  Another punch cut Cortes short.

“Th--That's not fair!”  Cortes whined.  “Yer supposed ta--"

POW-POW!

Astonished, confused and totally not crying, Cortes started backing away from Gawain before running away.  Gawain gave chase.

“HEY!”  The chandler Glaceon shouted out at the two lunatics.  “You gotta pay for that wax!”

Nobody came back to the booth, but Gawain’s wallet plopped onto the counter, thrown by the knight as he ran away.

“Given the outrageous price of wax,  Gawain’s voice faded as he got further and further away.  That should probably be just enouuuuuugh!

Opening the wallet, the Glaceon saw it was filled with gold coins…Solid gold coins…All dated between 1200 and 1300 AD.

The Glaceon’s brows furrowed as she stared at the coins.  “What the fu--”

The chase was renewed and with renewed vig…The chase was renewed and the wax on Gawain’s hands did nothing to curb the mayhem.  The knight smashed carts with his broad head, trampled flower pots with his heavy boots and shattered glassworks with the dust and rocks he kicked up along the way. 

“Ye pillagin’ landlubber!”  Cortes shouted back at his pursuer.  “Would it kill ye ta reel yer enthusiasm in!?  YER BLOOMIN’ INSANE!”

“ ‘Tis not insanity!”  Gawain replied as he sent a small wagon flying through the air.  “ ‘TIS CHIVALRY!”

Cortes was no saint by comparison, though.  He pushed people out of the way to keep up his momentum, threw barrels at Gawain to slow him down and tore through tents to find shortcuts to take.  Tearing through a dancing troupe’s tent led Cortes to a road that forked into three different paths.  Looking over his shoulder, he saw that Gawain hadn’t lost a sight of him…Good.

Without warning, Cortes became three and each pirate ran down a different path.  Gawain figured that two of the pirates must be illusions, but what two?  Following his gut, Gawain took the path to the right…Unbeknownst to him, Cortes’ gut led him to the left path.

“Yo ho!  It actually worked!”  Cortes exclaimed happily.

His illusory copies would continue running for a few more yards, so he had a chance to slow down and catch his breath.  That said, he knew it wouldn’t be long before Gawain deduced the correct path.  Cortes looked around for somewhere to hide, somewhere to evade Gawain’s detection long enough to make him think he lost the trail and give up.  Scanning his environment, Cortes found something that made him smile.

“Yarrr!  Asuka!”  Cortes walked up to a small Raichu he knew, waving to her.  “Good ta see ya, lassie!”

The Raichu, clad in a white princess dress and a princess hat that was almost as tall as she was, heard Cortes’ greeting.  She was equally happy to see him and returned his wave.

“I gotta say,” Cortes inspected Asuka’s costume as they fist bumped.  “I thought ye’d be dressed as a fightar of some sort, but I think I might actually like ye better as a princess.”

“Naaaww!”  Asuka groaned.  “This costume wasn’ my idea.  I can’ wait until I never hafta wear it again.”

“Daww, don’ be so hard on yerself.”  Cortes gave a friendly nudge-punch to Asuka’s shoulder.  “Were I a dragon, I’d gladly grab ye fer me cave…But I think ye can help me avoid gettin’ captured, if yer interested.”

“I never know what you’re sayin’, but you’re always fun!  Count me in…”  Asuka replied cheerfully, before reminding herself that she can’t count.

After 30 seconds, the illusory Corteses…Cortesi?  Corteese?

After 30 seconds, the Cortes illusions dissipated into purple sparks, alerting Gawain that he was on the wrong path.  30 after that, Gawain returned to three-way fork.  After five more seconds, he finished scanning the two remaining paths and saw something familiar.

“Hail to thee, Lady Asuka!”  Gawain greeted his Raichu neighbor.  “And hail to thee, Lady Asuka!”  He greeted another Asuka...who was six feet tall.

“Hey Gawain!”  Asuka gave a friendly wave to her friend (seems appropriate).

“Ahoy, Buttface!”  The…six-foot Asuka greeted Gawain…With a grown-male’s voice.

“Mayhaps thou can help me on a quest I hath undertaken.”  Gawain said to the two Asukas.  “There is a--”

“I HEARD HE’S SUPER-COOL!  MAYBE THE ONLY REASON YAR CHASIN’ HIM IS ‘CASUE YER A SWEATY SEAGULL!”  The…tall Asuka retorted before Gawain even made his comment.

Cortes The taller Asuka leaned over and whispered to the real smaller Asuka.

“Arr, ‘sweaty seagull’ is a pirate phrase, right?  I’m runnin’ outta things ta say.”

Gawain scratched his chin and looked at the two carefully.  If Asuka was using Double Team, she and her copy would be doing something active, not just passively standing around…This must be the work of that scoundrel’s mirages…But which Asuka was real and which was the wolf literally in the sheep’s clothing?

Gawain pointed at the mice with his blades.  “Answer me, how many karate moves dost thou know!?”

“AMILLIONBILLIONJILLIONINFINITYFORVARR!”  The taller Asuka said without a second to lose…or breathe.

“I don’t kn--”  The smaller Asuka started before she suddenly found herself tackled to the ground and a wax clump to her throat.

“You crooked-nosed LIVER-EATER!”  Gawain growled at the Asuka he pinned to the ground.  “Thou disgrace the name of my fairest and noblest friend!  You are not fit to wear her form!  REVERT TO THY TRUE SELF!”

The taller Asuka watched his scene unfold.  With the lawman distracted, there would never be a better chance to lose him.

I’M the real Asuka!”  Asuka replied through clenched teeth as she wriggled to get out of the knight’s grasp.

“LIAR!  The real Lady Asuka would have provided a detailed and enthused response to one asking her knowledge of the School of Karate!”

“I don’ know karate because that’s not how it’s pronounced!  I know 89 techniques in KAH-RAH-TAY!

“A likely tale…And one concerning hairs Lady Asuka would feasibly split…But the real Lady Asuka would have escaped this predicament and twisted my arm behind my back by now!”

“The real Lady Asuka would have escaped your sloppy mount, put your arm in a hammerlock and locked in a sleeperhold with her other arm by now if her legs weren’ trapped in this STUPID DRESS that you’re kneeling on!”

Gawain looked down at his knee.  Indeed, he was kneeling on the Raichu’s princess dress, practically turning the garment into a rigidly-tight pair of pants.

“That…Seems very reasonable…”  Gawain was beginning to think he made a mistake.  “B-But devils and thieves weave excellent lies.  How canst I be sure that thou are not the brigand?”

“Because he’s right here!”  Cortes answered as he pointed his foam sword to the back of Gawain’s neck, ice in his words and fire in his eyes.

“S-so…”  Gawain broke out in a cold sweat as he felt the toy sword against his neck.  “Thou hast finally showed thyself…”

“Arr.  I may be a black-hearted scoundrel and snappy-dressar, but even I would never attack one o’ me friends.”

“Ta be fair,” Asuka chimed  in as Gawain shifted his knee enough to let her squirm free.  “He thought I was you.  Gawain wouldn’ attack one of his friends either.”

“I don’ give a hang about his friends.”  Cortes replied.  “I was sayin’ I’d never attack one o’ me friends!  Friends of Cortes!”

“…Wait, dost thou mean to say thou would be fine if I were to assault an old maiden though didst not know--"  Gawain started to ask.

“Wouldn’t care.”  Cortes answered him.

“But should I accidentally step upon thy handkerchief--”

“YE STEPPED ON CAPTAIN HANKY!?  I’LL KILL YEEEE!”

Gawain barely scurried out of the way as Cortes tried to “stab” him with his foam sword.  Without hesitation, Cortes rushed Gawain, wildly slashing at him with his foam sword over and over and over.  Gawain’s eyes widened like the Red Sea as he struggled to block the furious slashes; his two blades could barely keep up with Cortes’ lone sword.

“AWESOME!”  Asuka squealed as she watched the two warriors clash.  She tried following them to watch their every move, but her dress proved a burden once more when she tripped over it.

Cortes continued to slash X’s at Gawain so long that the knight backed his way into a tent.  Gawain tripped, but stuck his leg out and flipped the relentless Cortes over him as he continued charging forward.  When the fighters got back to their feet, they noticed that they had stumbled into a demonstration on milking feral Miltanks.

“Begging your pardon!?”  The civilized Miltank leading the demonstration asked as she tried to maintain her act after the unexpected intrusion…The strangeness of her job was not lost on her.

“Good people,” Gawain called out to the staff and the attendees.  “Save thyselves and flee!  ‘Tis a crazed criminal I duel with!”

“No, stay!”  Cortes countered as he blocked a slash from Gwain.  “I need ye as shields!”

The staff didn’t trust this unscheduled battle and decided to break character and usher the attendees and their Miltank out of the tent.  With the kids out of the pool, Gawain and Cortes resumed their fight.

Cortes swung at Gawain’s neck.  Gawain blocked with one blade and slashed at Cortes’ shoulder with the other.  Cortes took a stepped back away from that slash and brought his sword up high to block another slash coming down at his head.  Gawain tried to stab/punch/something Cortes’ stomach, but the pirate turned his body to reduce his profile.  Cortes tried to slash Gawain’s back as he missed the stab, but the knight ran forward on his stab to move himself out of the way of the sword’s downward slash.  Gawain turned around and the two fighters locked eyes.

“Yer good.”  Cortes said through grinning teeth and calculating eyes.  “How’d a big lug like ye get so quick with a blade an’ light on his feet?”

“I trained under Sir Philidor until I reached adulthood!”  Gawain answered, scanning Cortes’ grip on his sword and the positioning of his feet.  “And I trained for five hours every day after that!”

Gawain slashed at Cortes’ stomach and neck simultaneously.  Cortes ducked under the higher blade and blocked the lower blade with his sword.  Their weapons locked, Cortes resumed his conversation.

“Ye need ta find yerself a girl, mate.”  Cortes rolled to Gawain’s side and tried to stab him, but found his attack swatted away with the Kabutops’ other blade.  “Or perhaps the reason ye trained five hours a day is ‘cause ye already found one, but are otherwise incapable of wooing her…Yer not a eunuch, are ye?”

Gawain hammered downward slashes at Cortes.  The pirate held his sword in place to block them all, but it gave Gawain a chance to get to his feet.

“I train five hours every day so that when I encounter a bandit, I can defeat it!”

“Yar, if yer gonna besmirch me name, use the proper title.  I’m a pirate, mate.”

“Pirate?”  Gawain lowered his guard as he raised his brow.  “What is a pirate?”

An opening!  Cortes opened his maw and unleashed a pillar of fire at his opponent.  By instinct alone, Gawain managed to shield his face from the Flamethrower with one of his blades.  When the inferno died down, both fighters noticed that the wax on Gawain’s blade melted.  Gawain had one reaction.  Cortes another…

“Ka--HAAAF!”  Cortes tried to say something as he backed away from Gawain, but his throat was too sore from the Flamethrower.

“Huzzah!”  Gawain cheered, stabbing his newly-freed blade at Cortes.

“Awww…”  Gawain moaned when Cortes ducked, causing the blade to stab into a barrel and come out covered in thick lard.

“Ar har har har!”  Cortes laughed, slapping his knee in joy.  “Look!  It’s a fat candle, yer favorite!”

Before Gawain could tell Cortes that he wasn’t funny, a black light nearly hit him in the face.  Cortes’s sword hand glowed with a black aura.  That aura flowed into his sword’s handle and into its foam blade, causing it to glow like a fallen angel’s weapon.

Gawain blocked Cortes’ next attack, but the Night Slash smacked his hand away with ease.  Gawain jumped back away from the next Night Slash, but the dark energy tore his surcoat down the chest.  The Night Slash after that didn’t make contact, but the wind it kicked up knocked Gawain onto his back.

The Kabutops’ eyes stared wide in fear as Cortes and his wicked blade closed in on him…Then, his eyes glowed…Cortes froze in his tracks and stared in fear as the Leer made his limbs heavy and fall to his sides.  Not wasting a second, Gawain channeled a red aura of his own and slammed his elbows into the ground.  Earth Power shook the ground and pushed Cortes back; he dropped his sword and stumbled back until fell onto some milk tanks (not to be confused with Miltanks).

Gawain got back to his feet, walked up to Cortes and raised a blade up high.  Cortes looked up at his foe in horror…but then, something caught his eye.

“Thou may be a blaggard and a coxcomb, but I must compliment thy skills.  Thou art--AHH!”  Gawain’s compliment was cut short by a splash of…milk?

After throwing some milk from a nearby can into Gawain’s face, Cortes sprang to his feet and reclaimed his sword.  By the time Gawain opened his eyes, the foamy blade was pointed right at his face.  The pirate grinned at the knight’s astonishment.

“…Thou cheated.”  Gawain said.

“Pirate.”  Cortes replied.

“That’s!  ENOUGH!”  …That voice was new.  Who was that?

Turning around, Cortes saw a very, very angry Cobalion right in front of him.  He was joined by a Virizion, Terrakion and Keldeo, who all looked equally angry.  They were dressed like the Musketeers…And Miri was there too, poking her head out from behind the group.  She waved ‘hello.’

Cortes rolled his eyes and slumped his shoulders.  “Don’ tell me, yer hear to arrest me as knights of the realm too?”

“NO,” The Cobalion replied, calm, but furious.  “I’m arresting you as a Renaissance Faire manager and someone who isn’t a SOCIOPATH!”

“What is a Renaissance?”  Gawain asked, not aware of the trouble he and Gawain were in now.

“Um…I-I think I c-can help with th-that, bizzie.”  Miri squeaked as the Musketeers led Gawain and Cortes away.

Miri reminded Gawain of the fact that he wasn’t back in his Medieval days and that he had just gotten carried away at a Renaissance Faire.  While Gawain was dumbfounded by this revelation at first, it made more and more sense over time…Mostly because all of his modern day friends were present and he was pretty sure he never saw any of them back in his chivalrous days…In hindsight, that should have been a dead giveaway.

By the time Gawain was caught up to speed, the Faire Manager and his crew had led him and Cortes to a pair of stocks.  With a resounding BANG, the stocks were closed and the knight and pirate were locked into place.  The Ren Faire manager glared at the prisoners with contempt and crossed arms.

“Yarrr!”  Cortes bellowed.  “What be the meanin’ of--"

“Do you have ANY idea how much property you’ve damaged?”  The Colbalion Manager interrupted.  “How many PEOPLE you endangered!?”

Gawain, and even Cortes, looked down at the ground in shame.

“Ordinarily, we’d just have you ARRESTED and taken away…”  The Manager turned his back to the prisoners.  “But, by some miracle or another, nobody was hurt and you wound up giving us something that will recoup the costs of the damage you caused.”

The Cobalion turned around and leaned in close to Gawain.

“That thing you said, ‘Tis not insanity, ‘tis chivalry, we’re taking that in exchange for not pressing charges against you.  With that slogan on our advertisements, we’ll attract even more people than we usually do and we’ll be able to print it on some merchandise too.  That’ll offset everything you broke and some change left over.  You fine with that?  Or am I calling the cops?”

“It sounds a fair barter to me.”  Gawain responded.

“Arr, what about me!?”  Cortes piped in.  “I didn’ even start this fiasco, I was jus’ defendin’ meself!”

“YOU were stealing from us and escalated this fiasco at every opportunity.  The only reason I’m even extending this offer to you is because you gave him the setup he needed to make that chivalry line.  If you don’t like that, YOU can get the cops.”

“…I’ll take the deal.”  Cortes mumbled.

With all of that settled, the Cobalion explained that Gawain and Cortes were to remain in the stocks for an hour, after which they would be banned from the Faire for the rest of its duration.  Cortes didn’t wanna be at your stupid Faire anyway…

“That’s fine, but thy punishment is grossly inaccurate for the period!”  Gawain called out to the Manager as he walked away.  “If you wish to carry out this punishment the correct way, locking us in stocks should only be the beginning.  Villagers should also be pelting us with rotten food, we should be standing bare-foot on hot coals and shrill women should be singing into our ears loudly, intentionally getting the words wrong.”

Cortes turned to Gawain, bug-eyed and bewildered.  “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YE!?”

“Well, you heard the man,” Asuka said as she walked clumsily up to Cortes, holding something behind her back.  “Gotta pelt the badguys with food.”

Asuka stretched an arm back, ready for a pitch.  Cortes closed his eyes and flinched.  Then…Nothing happened.  Cortes cautiously opened an eye…Oh, look, Asuka didn’t throw anything at all.  She was holding out some cotton candy for him.

“D’awww.”  Cortes’ heart’s heart grew three sizes.  “Yer sweeter than that candy, lassie.”

Meanwhile, over at the other stock, Miri walked up to Gawain.  She was fiddling with her hands and couldn’t bring herself to look up at Gawain.

“I-I’m s-so sorry, S-Sir Gawain.”  The Ledyba confessed.  “I-If I didn’t get you s-so excited, y-you wouldn’t be in any tr-trouble now, bizzie.”

“Think nothing of it, Lady Miri.”  Gawain said softly to the troubled bug.  “It was my own unchecked fervor that led me to forsake common sense and embrace foolishness, and nobody was harmed this day.  Truth be told, thou hath saved me from melancholy.”

“B-But, you got in tr-trouble and are gonna get ki-kicked out of the Faire, bizzie.”

“Were it not for thou and thy generous soul and creative mind, I’d still be a confused and lonely fool who could draw no fun from this Faire.  Playing that game with thee let me relive my days of old and remember the zest I felt when I first became a knight!  ‘Twas truly a magnificent day that I shall cherish forever, and I owe it to you, milady.”

Miri looked up at Gawain with wide eyes and a wider smile.  R-Really!?”

“Truly.”

Miri hugged Gawain’s wax-covered blade and Gawain closed his eyes happily.



“Although…”  Gawain broke the silence.  “I still know not why this Faire is so…wrong.  None of this looks like the world I lived in years gone by.”

“Oh, that’s because this is a Renaissance Faire, bizzie.”  Miri explained.  “Y-you lived in what historians c-call the Middle Ages, bizzie, which lasted from Fifth Century to the Fifteenth Century.  The Renaissance w-was an age of learning, inventing, art and writing that started in 1500.  The M-Middle Ages are seen as a time of poverty, superstition and suffering, but the Re-Renaissance ushered in reading, art, science and inventing!  It was like the whole world changed and became something new, bizzie!”

Gawain looked at the excited Ledyba with furrowed brows.

“…Well, that’s stupid.”

:iconpkmnskies:

Word Count: 5,753

So, when the Renaissance Faire was first announced, I was unsure of what to do.  There's no way Springleaf could have a medieval celebration without Gawain doing SOMETHING noteworthy, but I don't really have the talents to pull off an appropriately-epic comic or picture to make Gawain fully embrace his roots and make a memorable impression on such an event.  Things only got trickier when I saw that the description of the Faire was that its theme is the 1500's, after the Middle Ages, so Gawain really shouldn't know anything about what this Faire is doing.

My problems were solved when confusedkangaroo wrote this story, wherein Gawain addressed that the Faire wasn't of his time, Miri helped rile him up to his usual enthusiastic state and gave an ending so open-ended and ripe with potential for awe that I knew exactly what I was going to do with Gawain for this event.  Thanks, Kanga.  Literally couldn't have done this without you.

Also have to give thanks to TheBerserkerGJ for letting me borrow Cortes.  It would have been hard to follow up Kanga's story without the old pirate and he's just such a BLAST to work with!  I have trouble drawing his complicated design, but his antics practically write themselves.  Despite being so utterly different, he and Gawain go VERY WELL together.  Maybe they'll run afoul of each other somewhere else down the line.

You may have noticed that Asuka is dressed as a princess for this event and people made something of a deal out of it.  I hope to make at least one more submission to show off what this outfit looks like, but you can find out why Asuka is wearing it in this RP I did with DarkraixCresselia.

I hope you enjoyed the read.  It's a bit of a mouthful, but actually shorter than I was afraid it would be.  I dare say I'm actually happy with how long this turned out...Like, it's right in the sweet-spot.  That's never happened for me before...I kinda like it.

Credits

Cortes created and owned by TheBerserkerGJ.
Miri created and owned by confusedkangaroo.
d'Artagnan, Porthos, Aramis and Athos created and owned by Zurui-San.
Gawain created by Maiden-Chynna, currently used by me.
Asuka created and owned by moi.
Cover Art created and owned by Maiden-Chynna...Again.
© 2017 - 2024 Dr-InSean
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LunaSheWolf's avatar
:giggle: this was fun

Poor Gawain, he tried and Miri was trying so very hard to help.